Big Time Truckin': True Trucking Stories
Dispatch 22: CB Chatter at Columbus Truckstop

by Kirk Gonnsen

LOTLIZARD: Anybody need any company tonight?
DRIVER 1: Call me Straightjacket.
DRIVER 2: What?
DRIVER 1: That's my handle.
DRIVER 2: Oh.
DRIVER 3: Let's see if any of you Subway eaters can match me.
DRIVER 1: Yeah, my pop had five trucks when I was growing up and he said I would have to be crazy to get in one. So when I turned 16, I was driving, you know, I couldn't wait. And they called me Straightjacket.
DRIVER 2: Oh yeah.
DRIVER 1: What's your handle?
DRIVER 2: Yeah.. I don't have one.
DRIVER 4: Anybody out there want to buy a fifteen piece screwdriver set for $15?
DRIVER 8: No. I've been married. I'm not doing that again.
DRIVER 3: BARWRRRRRRRRAPPPPP! (Loud Burp)
DRIVER 9: Come on now. I've been there twice, and I'm doing it again. Dating anyway.
DRIVER 1: So. A dollar a piece?
DRIVER 3: BURAPPPPPPPAAAWWARRRRRRP!!
DRIVER 5: Some people just don't got the sense God gave an animal.
DRIVER 6: I bet his cab smells just as bad as he does.
LOTLIZARD: Anybody need any company tonight?
DRIVER 9: Yeah. How much there darling?
DRIVER 4: Anybody want to buy some chocolate bars?
DRIVER 7: I got a used power converter. Real cheap.
LOTLIZARD: Go to 15, driver.
DRIVER 3: BBBBUUUUUURRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP!!!
DRIVER 6: God dammit. I bet he's got chunks of it in his beard.
DRIVER 4: Six Michael Jackson bars for $5. White chocolate, no nuts.
DRIVER 2: I think I'm gonna call it a day. Catch you later.
DRIVER 1: Yeah. Ten-four.
DRIVER 3: Burrrrwaaaaapppppppppeeeeeeepliplaplop plif.
DRIVER 6: I think I know what truck you are. You wait and see if your fifth-wheel is still hooked up in the morning, you sick son-of-a-bitch.
DRIVER 8: I just don't think men are for me. I'm just gonna drive and make some money for awhile.
DRIVER 3: Come on, baby. I'll change your mind for you. Uhhhhhhh... BWWWWAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!
LOTLIZARD: Anybody need any company tonight?