The Doctor and The Reporter
by Aaron Abrams
Two men, a doctor and a reporter, rush to the phone booth and arrive at the same time.
DOCTOR: Sorry, but I really need this phone.
REPORTER: This may sound strange but I know I need this phone more than you.
DOCTOR: Oh really. (The Reporter tries to get in to the booth but is stopped) What do you do?
REPORTER: Uh... I'm a reporter.
DOCTOR: Well, I am a doctor.
REPORTER: Listen Doctor, it's impossible for me to explain this to you but I need that phone. Now excuse me.
DOCTOR: No, you listen to me. I Was Beeped. This is an emergency. You have no idea what that's like, to have people put their life in your hands. But I am a doctor, okay? I have to live with that responsibility every day. And you're standing in my way? Fuck you! Fuck you in your ass!
REPORTER: (beaten) Excuse me. I'm very sorry.
DOCTOR: Oh, thank you. How very unselfish of you. (Doctor enters the booth, dials) Hello? Yes, I received this number on my beeper, is everything alright? (looks at Reporter, turns his back to him) No, I don't like pastrami. Get me something else. I don't care, just get me something else okay? (hangs up quickly, walks out of the booth, the Reporter is looking at him)
Now, thank god, in this case everything seemed to be alright, but she could have been dying. She could have already been dead because I stood here and argued with you. Now go ahead and use the phone for whatever was so "important."
(The Reporter goes into the phone booth and slowly begins to change out of his clothes. He is Superman. He has the full costume underneath.)
DOCTOR: What the hell are you doing in there?
REPORTER: Getting changed.
DOCTOR: I can see that you're getting changed. I meant "why?"
REPORTER: Because I'm Superman and somebody's in trouble.
DOCTOR: I can see that you're Superman. I meant "why in there?" Couldn't you do your business elsewhere? A washroom or something?
REPORTER: I really don't care! Hey, don't you have to go eat a pastrami sandwich somewhere?
DOCTOR: Fuck you, douche! It could've been an emergency! I would never have guessed that Superman was so sarcastic.
REPORTER: Oh, I'm sorry! Superman doesn't have a super personality! Superman isn't nice to everybody all the time! Superman doesn't have patience for pompous doctors!
DOCTOR: You know, you've got kind of a temper.
REPORTER: Up yours.
DOCTOR: Don't you have better things to do then yell at me?
REPORTER: Like what?
DOCTOR: Like, hmmmmm, I don't know... Saving people with your Super human powers?
REPORTER: Shut your mouth before I smack your face right off your face.
DOCTOR: What?
REPORTER: I hate you!
DOCTOR: I hate you, douche!
REPORTER: You!
(pause)
DOCTOR: This is stupid.
REPORTER: Yeah, I'm sorry. I've been really edgy lately.
DOCTOR: I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to yell at you there.
REPORTER: Me too. I don't know what it is about you. You just really set me off.
DOCTOR: Yeah. You too. Look, I've got to admit something to you. I lied. I'm not really a doctor. I just wanted to be one so badly that I pretended I was. I'm in Med school right now, but I don't think I'm going to graduate. I'm never going to be a doctor. I'm just a douche.
REPORTER: Oh come on.
DOCTOR: No, really. I'm trying to build this special laser for class. I just don't have what it takes. I'm thinking of quitting.
REPORTER: Oh now, stop it. It's really strange but I've got this special feeling about you man, you are gonna make it big.
DOCTOR: I don't know.
REPORTER: You gotta apply the attitude you were just giving me to your work. You gotta attack. Be mean. Be vicious.
DOCTOR: Vicious.
REPORTER: Yeah, you just get vicious and you'll take Metropolis by storm. Me on the other hand...
DOCTOR: What? You thinking of quitting?
REPORTER: I don't have the right mind frame anymore. I'm getting crabby all the time. Its like you said, I'm selfish.
DOCTOR: Oh, now hey...
REPORTER: No, no you're right. I mean why do I have an alter-ego? Why don't I just walk around dressed like Superman all the time? I mean, I'd save more people that way. If I didn't have to change clothes in phone booths. But no. I'm afraid people won't accept me so I put on glasses. Like I need glasses. I just don't care about saving people. My heart's not in it, you know?
DOCTOR: Oh, now Superman. Look, I don't know what it is but I've got a strange feeling about you too. You've got a huge heart, you're just burnt out. Look at me. You can't quit. The people here need you, Superman.
REPORTER: You're right! I'll stop being selfish! From now on, I'll think about the people. And I want you to promise me you're going to pass Med school.
DOCTOR: I promise. I'll do like you said. I'll be meaner. Vicious. I'll take on the world.
REPORTER: And I'll promise do what you said: to fight as hard as I can with all the goodness in my heart.
DOCTOR: Great to hear, Superman.
REPORTER: Fantastic. Wait, I never caught your name.
DOCTOR: Francis.
REPORTER: Francis...
DOCTOR: Destructo. Francis Destructo.
REPORTER: Soon to be Dr. Destructo.
DOCTOR: (crosses his fingers and grins)
REPORTER: (extends his hand) Well, I hope to read about you some day, Dr. Destructo.
DOCTOR: (shakes hand) I'm sure we'll run into each other, Superman.
REPORTER: Woah. That's some grip you have.
DOCTOR: Bionic hand.
REPORTER: Oh. I'll see ya.
DOCTOR: See ya.
(they both exit)
