Dos and Don’ts on the Set of a Major Motion Picture

by Enis Esmer

So you’ve landed your first ever movie role, a five-line, one-scene tour-de-force in which you get to kiss the female lead, use a gun, and exit through a door. You’ve done all your prep work, gathered advice from fellow actors, and you’re ready for the big day. Follow these guidelines and you’ll be fine. Remember, the wrong move could destroy your career before it starts. No pressure.

Arrival

DO: Get to set 10 minutes before your call time. It makes a great first impression.
DON’T: Complain about traffic or how tired you are. Stay positive.

DO: Learn the names and jobs of everyone you meet. They’ll appreciate you for it.
DON’T: Correct people if they mispronounce your name. They’ll resent you for it.

Wardrobe, Hair & Make Up

DO: Let the hair and make-up people know this is your first movie. They’ll welcome your excitement and answer any questions you might have.
DON’T: Ask any questions.

DO: Wait patiently until it is time to go to set. Do a vocal warm-up or review your lines.
DON’T: Try to find out where you can score some coke. Save that for the wrap party.

On Set

DO: Stay out of the crew’s way. When they need you, they’ll tell you.
DON’T: Announce yourself by yelling, "Alright, ladies, The Score-Penis King is here!"

DO: Be succinct when talking to the director. She has a lot to do.
DON’T: Tell her what this movie needs is a talking pug in a suit.

Rehearsal & Shooting

DO: Be open to any last minute rewrites.
DON’T: Say anything about monkeys and/or typewriters.

DO: Stick to the script. You’re not getting paid to improvise.
DON’T: Pull out your contract and frantically check if you’re getting paid to improvise.

DO: Keep going if another actor flubs a line. It’s not your job to stop the scene.
DON’T: Shake your head and mutter, "It’s like I’m working with retarded babies."

DO: Strike up conversation with the female lead between takes. This will make things more comfortable during your kissing scene.
DON’T: Pass the time by lighting your farts. Again, save it for the wrap party.

Lunch Break

DO: Let the actors with the biggest parts get their food before you.
DON’T: Eat with those actors. They’re better than you.

DO: Be gracious if the film’s producers give you a compliment.
DON’T: Try to pitch them your idea for "Juwanna Mann 2." They’ll steal it.

Wrap Party

DO: Bring a date.
DON’T: Try to act all bad-ass in front of her. Nobody even knows how to pronounce your name, playboy.

DO: Take advantage of the open bar.
DON’T: Take advantage of the drunk continuity lady who says you remind her of a young Erik Estrada.

DO: Thank the female lead for being so professional during your kissing scene.
DON’T: Ask her if she wants to “recreate the scene, but with tongues now.”

Lighting Your Farts

DO: Use a lighter instead of matches.
DON’T: Do it while wasted on coke.