Fall/Winter 2002 Toothbrush Review

by Enis Esmer

Product: Crest Spinbrush Pro
Retail Price: $9.99 (2 AA Batteries Included)
Features:
Patented combination of moving and stationary multi-height bristles cleans better than ordinary manual toothbrushes.
Notes:
-Didn't electric toothbrushes used to cost like a hundred bucks? Wow, thanks, Crest.
-Sticking a whirring, spinning piece of plastic into my mouth was fun, but I miss feeling like I earned my clean teeth. When I was finished, my gums weren't even bleeding.

Product: Reach 400GM Max
Retail Price: $6.49
Features:
-Ultra-thin head and advanced bristle design provides ultimate cleaning of hard-to-reach places.
-Rubber-like material around brush perimeter massages the gums.
Notes:
Distracted by ostentatious acronym in toothbrush name, I accidentally bit off and swallowed some of the rubber-like material. On the plus side, that hangy thing in the back of my throat has never been cleaner.

Product: Oral-B Cross-Action
Retail Price: $5.99
Features:
The unique CrissCross(TM) bristles are angled in opposing directions to lift out and sweep away plaque and bacteria.
Notes:
The unique CrissCross(TM) bristles are bullshit.

Product: Aquafresh Flex Max-Active
Retail Price: $4.99
Features:
-Flex-neck and directable head controls brushing pressure by gently bending to help protect gums.
-Ergonomic handle with non-slip grip for better brush contol.
Notes:
-I normally have a lot of trouble holding onto a toothbrush, so the ergonomic handle was a godsend.
-It said on the package that "abusive bending may break flex-neck or directable head." I don't think I was being abusive.

Product: Reach Plaque Blaster
Retail Price: $4.49
Features:
-Researchers specially designed this toothbrush for kids going through tricky transitional stages.
-Special-sized head is just right for kids aged 8 and up.
Notes:
If only I had this toothbrush during my "tricky transitional stages", I might not be so inept socially.

Product: Oral-B Indicator
Retail Price: $3.99
Features: Indicator bristles fade from blue to white when it's time to replace your toothbrush.
Notes: Other bristles become mangled and useless when it's time to replace your toothbrush.

Product: Aquafresh Flexosauras
Retail Price: $2.99
Features:
-Extra soft bristles.
-Flexible neck.
-Non-slip grip.
-Handle shaped like dinosaur.
Notes:
The dinosaur handle seemed a bit excessive. I love the name, though!

Product: Butler-Gum Toothbrush
Retail Price: $1.99 (or free from the dentist)
Features:
A long plastic stick with a rectangular formation of vertical bristles at one end.
Notes:
When you put toothpaste on it and brush your teeth with it, it makes them cleaner.