A Few of my Favourite Things by Liam Eagle
by Justin Anderson
Hey hey! Somethingspace editor Liam Eagle here! A few months ago, my buddy Justin took you through some of his favourite things! Now I'm gonna subject you to some of mine!
If you notice anything different about my writing voice in this particular piece, it's because I'm totally fucked up on angel dust! Wicked!
ChiPs
I grew up in the '80s, and like everyone else in my generation, I love Erik Estrada. One of the only things stronger than my love of Erik Estrada is my love of Larry Wilcox. So naturally, the two of them on the same show . . . holy shit, dude! Don't even get me started! And the motorcycles! And the highway patrol! And the California!
EXCLAMATION POINTS
Hey! As my friends and girlfriend will tell you, I'm constantly shouting! Either that, or I'm really enthusiastic about whatever it is I'm talking about! And nothing conveys shouting like exclamation marks! They really do a great job of conveying my constant excitement.
DVDs
Correct! I love movies as much as the next guy, but DVDs . . . holy shit, dude! Don't misunderstand me; I don't enjoy DVDs because of the movies they hold, but rather because I have a particular affinity for small, shiny discs. What I do is I look onto them after I've taped a bunch of them to my wall and look at my reflection and pretend I'm Larry Wilcox busting perps. Drop it, punk!
MOVIES WITH GUNS
I don't know what it is, but something about movies where guys shoot other guys really gets me going. Sometimes they're westerns, sometimes they're war movies, sometimes they're even in space. I don't really care myself, as long as someone's shooting someone or something else! Though I do particularly enjoy it when the shooting guy's wearing a hat. Or a motorcycle helmet. Bangbangbangbang!
LAUGHING
Who doesn't like to laugh? Monsters. That's who. Monsters who don't watch CHiPs.
PRISMS
Who needs guns when you have prisms? They turn normal light into rainbows, which I think are totally awesome, though not in a gay way. And from what I understand, they're somehow involved in the production of lasers. I didn't mention this before, but the one thing I like better than movies with guns is movies with laser guns, like Star Wars and Eraser. Zap!
SIGNS
Several years of very serious drug use have dulled my wits significantly! As a result, I often find myself lost and disoriented. Lucky for me we live in a culture where things on walls and poles tell us what we can and can't do, where we can and can't go, and what time we can and can't do it at. So no matter how fucked up I get, I know when to merge, and have a vague idea of where to urinate most times.
GEORGE CLOONEY
Does it get any cooler than George Clooney? Whether he's playing a suave doctor, a suave bank robber, a guy with a mustache or is appearing opposite Roseanne, I don't think it does. I even grew a mustache to be more like him. And I'm currently writing a screenplay for a new movie based on CHiPs that will combine the original cast of the show, Clooney, and lasers. It's the second in my three-picture deal with a film studio that only exists in my brain. The first, Football Jones, won the Best Picture at the 2001 Academy Awards of Liam, beating out fellow nominees Nightmare In Happytown, Race Car Driver, Cowboys Go To Africa and Karate. Yay for me!
BOOTS
You gotta wear something on your feet, right? So why not make sure that that something goes up past your ankles? Think about it.
NIRVANA
By Nirvana, I'm not referring to the popular Seattle band that impacted the then-stagnant music scene in the mid-'90s until Kurt Cobain killed himself, but rather the state of total spiritual harmony. It's more potent than almost any drug, except maybe heroin, or that stuff I bought that one time in Chinatown. I call that stuff Chinese.
