Great News!

by Liam Eagle

Have you heard the bad news? Probably. The question is "what bad news, exactly, are you talking about, dude?" It seems, since word first spread in September of the terrorists' terrible attack on American soil, that the news has been little more than a vehicle for misery.

Along with the ongoing saga of the war on terror, newspapers have been filled with stories of the threat of nuclear war; corruption in the government and in big business; massive bankruptcies from the likes of Global Crossing, Enron and soon WorldCom; the sad deaths of George Harrison and John Entwistle; and the smashing commercial success of Scooby Doo.

I suppose the question I ought to have asked was "have you heard any good news lately?" Probably not. There doesn't seem to be much of it going around.

In a genuine effort to aid mankind, I've collected some real, honest-to-god good news here, Chicken-Soup-for-the-Soul Style. Though, due to the obvious space constraints, I've had to condense them into a less filling form. Think of it as a thin vegetable broth for the soul.

Nevertheless, it's for the soul, which, in itself, is great news.

Let's feel good, people:

Babies Adorable!
Candy Delicious, Say Scientists
Summer is Here
Bears Hilarious: Report
You Have a Beautiful Smile
Finally, a Sequel to Bad Boys
Fun-Gap Filled by Waterslides
One Squirrel Chases Other Squirrel
Backrubs on the Rise
Thirst Quenched
Market Value of Your Day-To-Day Existence is Skyrocketing

There you have it. Great news, isn't it? With this 100-percent-real great news on your side, you should be able to hold your head a little higher and crack a smile now and then while you work out how to protect your family from anthrax.