Poet, Artist, Lover, Kravitz: Three Six-Line Scenes

by Aaron Abrams

ONE
(Lenny Kravitz's rock star pad)

FAN CHICK: Last night was the best night of sex ever. I came 17 times. I can't believe I was chosen by the great Lenny Kravitz. You are the most glamourous and most coolest rock superstar of our generation. And since I've been crowned with your glamorous shaft, I must also be glamorous. You are Lenny fucking Kravitz.
LENNY: I have a hangnail. It hurts to put on my fur boots this morning.
FAN CHICK: Your glamourous rockstar pad is the hottest. It this a real guitar? Oh my god. I just came again. Just from looking at you.
LENNY: I have to go to the store. That's where they keep the potato chips. I'm out. Don't steal anything.
FAN CHICK: Lenny fucking Kravitz. Thank you for the sensitve lovemaking. I can't wait to tell all my girlfriends. And my boyfriend.
LENNY: Be gone by the time I come back. Feel free to throw your undies on "Lenny's Panty Pile." My ass itches. I'm going to scratch it. Then I'll write a song about you. Peace.

TWO
(a television sound stage)

INTERVIEWER CHICK: You are the most poetic rock star alive today. Your varied background and life expirence gives your music a personal style unparrelled by any musician alive today. Your lyrics about spirtuality and peace have inspired millions while your songs about freedom and love speak to our hearts and rock our souls. You are also on the cover of the new Mademoiselle.
LENNY: I banged the editor on that. And the writer. And the photographer. I also stuck my penis in the camera lens just to see what that was about.
INTERVIEWER CHICK: Your voice is soft. It resonates so deeply in my chest.
LENNY: They got some crazy snaps of my dick. It was all smashed up against the lens. Looked weird. Weird but rockin'. I fucked Gina Gershon last week.
INTERVIEWER CHICK: Did you happen to make sweet lenny-love to the interviewer from that Mademoiselle article? Did you happen to speak softly in her ear while you passionately stroked her? Did you happen to write a song about her sensitivly expressing how you long for her and think about her always?
LENNY: I did make passionate, passtionate love to her. Then I pulled out, came on her belly and fell asleep on my face. And dreamed of my hangnail. Say, you're beutiful. Do you believe in love?

THREE
(backstage)

LENNY'S DRUMMER CHICK: From this angle you look nothing like a love-inspiring prophet. And... there ya go.
LENNY: Aaah. Thanks for poppin' that for me. That was driving me crazy. Yeah, I'm not sure how all that shit got started. I'm just a soft-spoken dude with fur boots is all.
LENNY'S DRUMMER CHICK: Seriously, you feel like sittin' back and writing some poetry? Some sensitive, rockin stuff that resonates to a generation?
LENNY: No time. I've gotta start painting my fingernails, grooming my stubble and shining my retro belt buckle. I've gotta get to the store in forty five minutes. That's where they keep the cheese dip. The cheese dip and rubbers. If you need me, I'll be in the washroom.
(Lenny comes out 45 minutes later)
LENNY'S DRUMMER CHICK: Lookin' good, Lenny. Lookin' like a rock star. You were born for it.
LENNY: Feelin' good, baby. Feel like a Rock Star. And that's all I ever wanted to be.