My Episode II Line Diary
by Justin Anderson
As many fans did, I spent a chunk of last week in line for Star Wars: Episode II - Attack Of The Clones. Given that I fancy myself a writer, I thought it’d be interesting to keep a written account of the goings on within the lineup.
5/11/02, 10:30am: Me and my buddy K-Dog join the lineup outside the theatre. We’ve brought snacks, sleeping bags and lawnchairs. We’ve also packed several changes of clothes and extra cell phone batteries. But we don’t do that dress-up shit. Can’t say that for some of our fellow liner-uppers, though. Particularly disturbing is the guy dressed in the Darth Maul outfit. And the fat guy in the dark brown bathrobe. Some girl who got dragged along by her boyfriend is attracting plenty of attention.
5/11/02, 5:30pm: Everyone’s getting along well enough. K-Dog and I are kind of sticking to ourselves. I mean, we like the Star Wars and all, obviously. I mean, we’re here, right? But Jesus, one of these guys called the other a nerf herder and it looked like it was gonna come to blows.
5/12/02, 11:45am: The guy with the girlfriend was talking on his cell phone and asked Darth Maul and some other dude to quiet down his heated discussion with a Stormtrooper about whether Luke could beat young Obi-Wan. Darth didn’t appreciate it, and, apparently for the benefit of the guy’s girlfriend, threatened to "go pre-Rebellion on [his] ass."
5/13/02, 2:00pm: While K-Dog and I are sharing a joint with Mike and Wendy (the guy and his girlfriend; they’re pretty cool), someone in the crowd says something about "the halfling’s leaf." One of the other guys (the Stormtrooper?) gets mad that the Lord Of The Rings reference is interfering with his Star Wars groove.
5/13/02, 9:15pm: Darth Maul, or Ryan, as we’ve come to understand is his real name, challenges the guy in the jedi robes to a lightsaber duel. Jedi wins when he cracks Darth Ryan on the knuckles. While Darth’s pissed off, I figure that’d be a pretty effective maneuver for dudes with laser swords to use.
5/14/02, 11:35am: Only a day left until opening day. Living on the sidewalk for a week is starting to take its toll. I told a joke in which the word "droids" was in the punchline.
5/14/02, 7:30pm: K-Dog’s girlfriend is on the phone talking him through the Leafs game. Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Semi-Finals. All-or-nothing, baby.
5/14/02, 9:45pm: Holy shit, the Leafs are up 3-0! There's a fuckin’ sports bar across the street! I can already hear people honking and shit on the streets! We’re one series away from the Stanley Cup final! Jesus Christ.
5/14/02, 10:04pm: Fuck this geeky shit, the goddamn Leafs just won the goddamn series! FUCKIN’ A! GO LEAFS, GO! WE’RE GETTING’ FUCKIN’ LOADED!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
