Other Threatening Things I'd Like to See Written on US Military Weaponry
by Liam Eagle
As America's war in Afghanistan comes to a close, and the last few bombs hit their targets, it seems especially fitting to consider how a battle that began with an act of terror was put to rest with terror too. Not the kind of terror caused by hijacking planes and crashing them into buildings, but the terror that fills the hearts of the enemy at the sight of a good old-fashioned show of American muscle.
I saw an Associated Press photo, taken Thursday, October 11 on the flight deck of the aircraft carrier USS Enterprise. The picture was of a Navy officer signing his name on a bomb, which I assume was bound for Afghanistan, attached to the wing of an aircraft. Close to where he was writing his name, across the front of the bomb, somebody had scrawled "HIGH JACK THIS FAGS," in chalk.
Immediately, this conjured up images of the hapless-but-evil Taliban soldiers and Al Qaeda terrorists staring skyward in shock as they read the message on the approaching bomb, suddenly realizing that not only would they be completely incapable of hijacking it (they probably would be too scared to notice the spelling error) but, also, that they are fags. Then, of course, they would explode.
I was overcome with a mélange of emotions: pride, excitement, patriotism (for a country I don't live in, but that I live near) and inspiration, to name a few. Of course, I thought, adding insult to injury was a brilliant military tactic. The overwhelming force of massive explosions could only be enhanced by the sharp sting of well-crafted insults.
I resolved to do my part, and have begun to compose a letter to the US military, offering my suggestions for slogans that could be written on the other bombs that will continue to be dropped in the course of this war on terrorism/evil. The war, of course, is drawing to a close. The bombings are all but finished, and Bin Laden himself may soon be captured. But while the slogans I draft may never be aimed at Afghanistan, my hope is that they will perhaps be used in some future war, or if not in a war, then in a bombing conducted during times of peace. Granted, some of them are very Afghanistan- or hijacking-specific slogans, but I include them here because, frankly, they kick more ass than some of the other ones.
And so I offer to you, as inspiration, a portion of my letter-writing notes. A selection of the bomb-slogans that I hope to one day see hurtling toward a huddled group of confused-but-still-evil enemies of freedom.
HIGH JACK THIS, QUEERS
CRAPGHANISTAN SUCKS
USA = YOU SUCK AFGHANISTAN
EAT THIS BOMB, FAGS
BOMB 3:16
HOMO BIN LOSER
METALLICA
POISON THIS WITH DEADLY ANTHRAX, FAGS
UP YOURS
TALK TO THE HAND, YOU FAGS
This list is far from complete, and I'm still gathering messages. If you'd like to help out your country, or their country, depending on whether or not the United States is your country, please send your suggestions to the anonymous slogan-gathering and government-lobbying email address I've registered:
highjackthisfags@hotmail.com
