An American Obsession - Three Six-Line Scenes

by Aaron Abrams

ONE
(A Frat House)

FRAT BROTHER ONE: What do you think about Britney Spears?
FRAT BROTHER TWO: Christ. Look at her shake, dude.
FRAT BROTHER ONE: You think she's a virgin? I don't think she is. Britney's been dating Justin Timberlake for over 38 months now, and they knew each other from the Mickey Mouse Club back in '87. Justin can only date Britney so long before his brain cracks, he looks her in the eye and says "Just the tip..."
FRAT BROTHER TWO: I think she's hot. I like her hot ass. And her hot belly. And her hot pelvic dance. I think she's a virgin because that would be superhot. Maybe too hot...
FRAT BROTHER ONE: Too hot for you, or too hot for the world?
FRAT BROTHER TWO: Shhhhhh, I'm masturbating.

TWO
(The White House)

MAN IN TIE: Mr. President, Sir. The parental council wants you to address them on your opinion about Britney Spears.
THE PRESIDENT: The Presidents opinion is that she is superhot. I declare it.
MAN IN TIE: Mr. President, Sir. The parental council wants you to address them about your opinion on whether Britney Spears is a suitable role model for children today. You know, the "Tweens." Mr. President, Sir?
THE PRESIDENT: I would like to Tween her in her ass. And that's a promise. A promise to the people of this great nation.
MAN IN TIE: But is she virginal Mr. President, Sir? Is she pure enough of heart and body according to you, Mr. President, Sir? What about her belly? Is Britney Spears the appropriate leader for our children in the future?
...You know, The "Children of our Future?"
..."The Future of Tommorrow?"
...Sir?
...Mr. President, Sir?
...Sir, Mr. President?
...Would you like me to leave Sir?
THE PRESIDENT: Christ. Look at her shake dude.

THREE
(Outside A Village In Somalia)

SOMALIAN ONE: Do you think Britney Spears is a virgin?
SOMALIAN TWO: I am so very hungry.
SOMALIAN ONE: They way she moves is pretty hot, don't you think?
SOMALIAN TWO: Christ. I have heat stroke.
SOMALIAN ONE: I like her belly.
SOMALIAN TWO: My belly is swollen.