My 10-Year-Old Sister Rates the Attractions at the Amusement Park Paramount Canada's Wonderland
by Liam Eagle
THE RAGE
[A viking ship that swings on a pendulum]
"It was kind of good. But it was kind of boring compared to the other rides that we went on. It went too slow."
Score: 5/10
NIGHTMARES
[Riders in cages spin on the outside of a huge wheel]
"I liked when the thing went straight up, and you were in the cage going around. I liked that part."
Score: 10/10
DROP ZONE
[Sets of chairs are raised to the top of a tall pillar and dropped]
"When it dropped down really fast. I liked the feeling when it went down, like you were going to shoot up out of your seat."
Score: 10/10
WILD BEAST
[A very ordinary rollercoaster built from wood]
"I liked how, when you were riding on it, it looked like you were going to hit those things that went across."
Score: 6/10
THE BIG COOKIE
[A dessert made from soft Ice cream sandwiched between two big chocolate chip cookies]
"It was very tasty [laughs hysterically]. But the cookie was too thick."
Score: 10/10
GAMES
[Park visitors compete in games to win prizes]
"Peach basket is number one! I liked it because I could win at it. I won a soccer ball. And I won two stuffed animals; Miss Piggy and Bozo or Gozo or something."
Editor's note: Gonzo
Score: 10/10
THE MINE BUSTER
[A much larger wooden rollercoaster]
"I liked when it dropped down the big huge bump. No, I liked that it had both the bumps. Like, there were two big bumps on that one. That's also what I liked."
Score: 7/10
WHITE WATER CANYON
[A river raft ride]
"I waited too long for a five minute ride. I liked that it splashed you, but I didn't like it because I got stuck under that waterfall."
Score: 9/10
THE BIG WAVE
[A wooden bridge located in the path of the splash from the "Timberwolf Falls." Not actually a ride.]
"I liked that you got wet [laughs], and that it was a big wall of water."
Score: 11/10
SPLASHWORKS
[A waterslide park within the theme park]
Wave Pool: 7/10 "The waves weren't big enough. They should at least be two more inches higher. Or about five inches."
The Lazy River: 12/10 "There were waterfalls, you were in a tube and it was just fun. It was hard to get in the tube, though, once I fell."
VORTEX
[A rollercoaster with cars suspended from a single track]
"I didn't go on that, cause it went too fast and I was going to barf if I went on it. I'll go on it next year."
LUNCH
[Pizza, some garlic bread sticks and a soda]
"The pizza was the best, the garlic sticks were very garlicy and the Sprite tastes like cardboard at the bottom. The Sprite lost one point for the team."
Score: 9/10
REVISIONS TO PREVIOUS RATINGS
"Actually, I change my Drop Zone rating to 13. Out of 20."
"The Rage can be changed to 10; Nightmares can be changed to 13; Drop Zone can be raised to 17; the Big Cookie can be raised to 20; the Wild Beast can be 12, I didn't like it; Mine Buster, 15; White Water Canyon can be 19; Splashworks can be 20; Food, 19 because of the stupid Sprite; Games, 19 becuase I always win; and the Bridge 20."
