Stuff On My Coffee Table Reviews 8 Mile

by Justin Anderson

DVD PLAYER REMOTE: So hey. I finally got around to seeing that 8 Mile movie.

TV REMOTE: Oh yeah. So what did you think?

BOX OF KLEENEX: I really liked it.

DVD PLAYER REMOTE: I dunno. It was a lot better than I expected it to be, I guess. To be honest I'm still a little perplexed about the whole thing.

LIGHTER: Really? Why?

COASTER: Yeah. I thought it was pretty straightforward. It wasn't exactly Memento.

DVD PLAYER REMOTE: Yeah, no, that's not what I meant. I mean, the movie was definitely well put together - that Curtis Hanson dude knows what he's doing - but it was more like, I couldn't tell how much of it was just some wanky vanity project for a contemporary pop star to help him sell a few more records, how much of it was a legitimate movie about hip-hop music - which, let's face it, no one's even attempted to do in a very long time - and how much of it was supposed to be an account of Eminem's life.

TV REMOTE: I see your point, I think. But can't it be all three?

COPY OF "GIANT ROBOT" MAGAZINE: Well, I must say, as a fan of hip-hop music, it was nice to see a big-budget, Hollywood movie rely so heavily on MC battles, which I think a lot of mainstream people maybe don't know about.

PHOTO BOOK ABOUT TOY ROBOTS MY EX-GIRLFRIEND BOUGHT ME WHILE ON VACATION IN FRANCE: Yeah. I didn't know about that at all.

TV REMOTE: I think it works on all levels, really. I mean, it made all parties involved an assload of money, got Eminem back in the forefront of the public consciousness, and managed to be an above-average movie in the process.

DVD PLAYER REMOTE: I see your point. I also wasn't sure what I was supposed to think of the women in that movie. His ex wasn't as crazy as he makes his real ex to be in real life, and was only in, like, 3 scenes.

COASTER: I really got the feeling most of her shit got cut out of the movie.

DVD PLAYER REMOTE: And then the Brittany Murphy character . . . was she just a huge whore, then?

LIGHTER: Basically, yeah.

DVD PLAYER REMOTE: So are we supposed to like her, or no? She cheats on him, but at the end of the movie they're cool? I dunno, I never got the vibe that Eminem wouldn't just beat the shit out of his girlfriend if she cheated on him. But at the end of the movie he apparently grudgingly respects her slutty ways.

UNPAID PHONE BILL: Didn't you think it was pretty clichéd though? I mean, the whole "golden boy triumphs over adversity" thing? That's been done way too often in the past five years alone. And even the "villains" in the movie, the rival crew, they all wore black all the time and drove around in a big black SUV. It was like all the "evil" rival teams in every sports movie ever.

UNPAID CABLE BILL: I agree. It somehow managed to be hackneyed and pretty good at the same time.

COPY OF "STUPID COMICS #1": That's, like, a feat in itself, if you ask me.

DVD PLAYER REMOTE: All in all, I'd say it was pretty good, though. Certainly a lot better than that Harry Potter bullshit.

TV REMOTE: Don't even start me on that. But yeah, 8 Mile was good, if a little perplexing. Hey, what did you guys think?

CD PLAYER REMOTE, OTHER TV REMOTE, VCR REMOTE: We haven't seen it yet.