Alternative Time Travel Tourism Guide

by Liam Eagle

History has its great moments, of course. There are few sights as magical as that of Michaelangelo's Sistine Chapel masterpiece prior to completion; few insights as inspiring as the answer to the mysteries of Egypt's pyramids. But doesn't it seem that these days, history's greatest moments are getting a little, well, commercial?

I mean, as nice as the Chapel ceiling is, it's almost impossible to catch a glimpse of the thing with all the obnoxious time-tourists packed in there. That, and the overpowering smell of space-burgers really takes away from the authenticity of the moment.

In fact, most of history's greatest moments have turned into overpopulated time-tourist attractions. And it takes a savvy and inventive time traveller to find those spots in time that offer a worthwhile thrill and without the distraction of hordes of hovering onlookers.

In the interest of improving your next time travelling trip, I've included a list of some of my favourite spots, somewhat removed from the more popular "great" moments in history. I find these out-of-the-way moments provide their own interesting look at history, without the overcrowding of the big events.

Check out some of these spots next time you go time travelling. I hope you enjoy them, and I'll probably see you there, or should I say... then?

CUSTER'S LAST STAND:

Certainly, the battle is an interesting sight. But take it from me, stick around for a couple of hours until the assholes have cleared out. That evening, around the campfire, this Native dude does the wickedest Custer impression. It's fucking hilarious.

THE TITANIC:

While everybody else is watching the ship sink from the deck, go down to the engine room, dude. Trust me, there are these two guys down there that just did a bunch of opium or something before it hit the iceberg, and they're totally crazy.

THE MOON LANDING:

Yeah, watching the moon landing live is pretty amazing. But you know what else is pretty amazing? Watching the moon landing on TV with some teenagers. On acid.

THE FALL OF THE BERLIN WALL:

Important historical moment? Without question. The crumbling of the Berlin Wall symbolized the fall of the soviet union and the end of the cold war. But in the very same moment, in what was possibly an even more poigniant symbol, a grizzly bear and a bald eagle lie down together in a forest in Michigan. And they make sweet, tender love. Holy shit.

THE DEATH OF CHRIST:

I know what you're thinking. "Aren't we mixing 'historical events' with 'religious mythology' here?" Nope. I was there, dude. Not standing around the cross with the rabble, though. I was off with some sucker, betting him like 40 Rome-bucks that J.C. would be back in three days, tops.

As you can see, all it takes is a little bit of exploration to make a trip into history a lot more personal, a lot more interesting and a lot less crowded. These are just a few examples of the little-known but just-as-interesting moments in history. Have a look for yourself, and be sure to let me know what you find.