Totally Learnin': True Tales of Campus Life
Lesson 2: From Russia With Spin-Punch Power

by Matthew Morlock

Folks, there's cause for celebration. I've now finished my first semester of University - excepting the minor issue of exams - and, this being so, I figure I should probably plan out the rest of my life. You know, kids, occupation (which will no doubt be good - I've completed my first semester; where's my paycheck?), that sort of thing. But before I elaborate on my plans to dominate, I thought I'd share with you an anecdote from this past week:

Our 1st floor don recently placed a map of the world on the wall in our basement common room. Above it, the headline "Where In The World Are You From?" She loves these sorts of things. We have Karaoke nights on Friday. Nobody goes, but she sure tells people all kinds of junk, er, fun activities. So, there's our World map. After a few days, names were sprinkled across various continents. This is good, because I never would have guessed that Hans was from Sweden. Jokes aside, it's not a bad activity . It's nice to know where people are from, and it can be used as counter-attack to the not-100-percent-entirely-true axiom that all Queen's students are white kids from small towns in Ontario. Some are from big cities too, like Toronto and Ottawa.

I noticed that although most continents were occupied, Russia wasn't. It was left alone. It probably felt lonely. So, in the middle of Russia I placed "Zangief."

Little did I know, this small, seemingly insignificant gesture would bring instant celebrity status. I spend much of my free time in the common room - the sports and ginormous big screen draw me to it. So it was nice listening to people's reactions. "Zangief. That's hilarious. I wonder who put that up there?" It's been fun to turn my head and take credit.

People already knew me as a big sports fan, but now they know me as the subtly funny guy.

The single funniest incident, though, was when my buddy came in with his girlfriend, while I was sitting on the couch.

Buddy: Check this out! My buddy put this up! Zangief! Isn't that hilarious?
Girlfriend: What? Zangief?
Buddy: Yeah. You know, from Street Fighter?!
Girlfriend: What?! Enhh... Street Fighter?
Buddy: Dude, my girlfriend doesn't know about Street Fighter!
Me: A deprived childhood.
Buddy: Yeah seriously.
Girlfriend: I'm going to the bathroom. (Leaves)
Me: See, while we were smacking guys with Dhalsim's super-long extendo-arms, she was combing Barbie's hair.
Buddy and Me: Heh, heh

Now, for the record, I'm not developing into some sort of chauvinistic pig. I didn't say "Yoga Flame biatch!" though it did it cross my mind. I'm filtering.