Somethingspace Redesign - Three Six-Line Scenes

ONE
(March)

LIAM: Well Justin, after months of half-assed, intermittent effort, we've finally put our simple and unassuming, yet exquisitely-designed Web site on the Internet.
JUSTIN: Kudos to us. And kudos to anyone that actually reads this fucking thing.
LIAM: As a matter of fact, there appear to be quite a few people actually reading it.
JUSTIN: That's great news. So how long until it's the number one site on the Internet?
LIAM: Dude, don't hold me to this, but I think it already might be.
JUSTIN: Sweet.

TWO
(april)

DIMESTOREPRODUCTIONS.COM GUY: "I hate giving bad reviews, but this site is so poorly designed, if you listen closely, you can actually hear it suck."
LIAM: Wow, this guy really doesn't like the site.
JUSTIN: I'm so self-assured I find this incredibly negative feedback hilarious.
LIAM: What I don't understand is why he started with "I hate giving bad reviews," and then went to great pains to be especially creative in his trashing of the site. I mean, he clearly relished this bad review. I suspect he secretly does like giving bad reviews.
JUSTIN: I think I've heard that "you can actually hear it sucking" expression before. Wait! Do you hear that?
SOMETHINGSPACE.COM: Oh, sorry guys. That was me. Slurrrrp, slurrrrp.

THREE
(June)

LIAM: Well Justin, after several months of poorly-designed publishing effort, we've finally put our colorful and flashy, even-more-exquisitely-designed Web site on the Internet.
JUSTIN: Wow, this redesigned Somethingspace is ultimate great! It's like an ultimate shimmering pile of shining pure, solid supergold.
AWESOME BABES: We like it too! The new Somethingspace is seducing us right out of our bikinis.
LIAM: The president just called! He says it's better than democracy.
JUSTIN: So how much closer does this redesign put Somethingspace to being the number one site on the Internet?
LIAM: Dude, it already was.

The Editors,

Liam Eagle and Justin Anderson