American Storytelling

mixed by Liam Eagle

PERFECT FOR:

Reaching old-fashioned understanding, the old-fashioned way.

INTRODUCTION:

If I have to listen to one more song about some father not returning his son's love, I'm going to grab Chad Kroeger by his greasy hair and explain to him with loud yelling, "dude, you are in a fucking rock and roll band!" Now, maybe it's unfair of me to single out Chad like that. After all, he's not the problem. He's a symptom of a society that wants its singers (its male singers) to be pretty princesses with pretty hair, sniffling softly about their parents' divorce or some unhappy highschool memory that even the millions of dollars are aparrently unable to erase.

Remember when singers were storytellers? Remember when it wasn't every song that had the words "I" or "me" in it? I do. And hopefully this mix tape will serve as a reminder to all of you that what what we really need isn't a pretty man in a sparkling shirt singing about some imagined spousal abuse. What we need is a pretty man in a denim shirt singing a little ditty about Jack and Diane.

TRACK LIST:

John Cougar Mellencamp - Jack and Diane
Bon Jovi - Livin' on a Prayer
Romeo and Juliet - Dire Straits
Take the Money and Run - Steve Miller Band
What It's Like - Everlast
The Ballad of Hollis Brown - Bob Dylan
Johnny Be Good - Chuck Berry
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer - Christmas
Birmingham - Amanda Marshall
Children's Story - Slick Rick
Romeo is Bleeding - Tom Waits
Don Quixote - Gordon Lightfoot

PREPARATION INSTRUCTIONS:

Get ready, friends, because what you are only now preparing yourself to prepare is almost certainly... holy fucking shit! Did I put an Amanda Marshall song on this mix tape? Why in Christ's name would I ever even consider recommending the duplication of her recorded music. I have nothing but very mild contempt for that bland, bland, ever-so-pointlessly bland, um, lady. Man, just thinking about her makes me tired. Oh well, now that her name and song title have been indellibly etched into the fabric of this Web site, and it is completely impossible for me to remove or even alter it, I'll have to make do. At least she appears to be embracing the basic precepts of songwriting that I've been preaching. Feel free to "forget" to include her song on your tape.

LISTENING INSTRUCTIONS:

I suggest you surround yourself with something simultaneously quaint and kick-ass. Like, hop into a big, fat old chevy and drive it up to some kind of lookout/makeout spot. And it should be nighttime. And you should have some hot babe wih you. No, actually, probably some sweet babe that you care about would be better. And you can make out with her, and then later you can make your way through life's hardships together. I mean, basically, what I'm describing to you right now is what is known as livin' on a prayer. But you already knew that, right?