So you've read the site. You've seen the work of our regular contributors. You've witnessed the full, wonderful lives they now lead as a direct result of having their work published on this Web site. You want a piece of that sweet, delicious cake. That's understandable, and we're happy to accomodate you. As a matter of fact, we're more than happy to receive submissions. You might say we're actively seeking them out. But before you send us your diary entries or pictures of your dog, there are a few steps we'd like you to follow to make everybody's life easier.

STEP ONE:
SUBSCRIBE

Call us vain, but we're not particularly eager to publish the writing of people who don't read or care about the site. One way to demonstrate to us that you both read and care about the site is by subscribing to the newsletter. Click here for some instruction on how to accomplish that.

STEP TWO:
COME UP WITH AN IDEA

Perhaps a better title for this step would be "come up with an idea that fits the established format of the work already published on the site." What we mean is that there is a certain formula we follow, whether you notice it or not. We're looking for written work, about 400-600 words in length. It doesn't have to be funny, just interesting.

STEP THREE:
NO POEMS

If you've already completed step two, and you haven't seen this yet, we apologize. No poems.

STEP FOUR:
READ THE SITE

Consider the possibility that the idea you've come up with is identical, or even just very similar, to something we've already published. One way for you to figure that out is to read the thing's we've already published. If your idea is similar to something we've already done, it doesn't mean we don't like you. It just means we don't like your copycat idea. Repeat step two.

STEP FIVE:
SEND US A PITCH

Send an email to submissions@somethingspace.com describing your idea. Do not send us your completed work, please. Just the pitch. We'll get back to you really quickly. We promise.

STEP SIX:
SEE WHAT HAPPENS

You're going to hear back from us, and we're going to discuss your idea, and if it works we'll want you to send it to us. And then it will probably show up on the site sometime. This whole system works like a well-oiled-but-poorly-constructed machine.

STEP SEVEN:
LIVIN LARGE

Now that you've been published on Somethingspace.com, you should start to see real improvements in your daily life. You can run faster and jump higher. Food tastes better. You're really great at satisfying your lover, or the many adoring lovers you now have as a result of your work with us. Don't get to comfortable, though. Keep submitting shit, or it's all going to come crashing down.