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[1] Gary Coleman
WHO: Quintessential failed childhood star
PRO: Stupid catchphrase. Can't grow. Parents stole his money
CON: Aware of his own kitsch value. Pimps himself out a little too often
OUTLOOK: Cream of the crop of celebrity references. Could walk away with gold
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[2] Tito Jackson
WHO: Talentless/useless Jackson. The joke in a family of jokes
PRO: Popular punchline for years. Funny name, funny family, solid reference
CON: Some aren't sure why he's funny anymore. Family is past funny into creepy
OUTLOOK: Always dependable Tito Jackson should continue to get the job done
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[3] Elvis Presley
WHO: The King of Rock and Roll. Also a fat grease-stain who died on the can
PRO: Sex symbol turned bloated baboon. Gaudy outfits, sideburns, appetite
CON: Beloved
OUTLOOK: Cherished punchline, also a cherished musician. Could go either way
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[4] Steve Guttenberg
WHO:Failed movie star. 'Police Academy' wisenheimer
PRO: So bad at being charming. Just reaching his peak as a hilarious reference
CON: Still may not have what it takes to beat big guns; Coleman, Saget, etc.
OUTLOOK: It could be Guttenberg's time. Possible surprise of the tournament
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[5] Bob Saget
WHO: Comedian/host/sitcom actor. "Full House" dad, "Funniest Videos" host
PRO: Truly awful. And a weenie too. An awful weenie
CON: People really hate him
OUTLOOK: If hatred doesn't interfere with his reference use he could win a few
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[6] LaToya Jackson
WHO: Top ranked female. Only men make fools of themselves to this degree
PRO: Posed nude, plastic surgery crazy, OTHER JACKSONS are ashamed of her
CON: Men might look creepy referring to a playmate, especially this one
OUTLOOK: Could meet her brother in the sweet sixteen
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[7] Fabio
WHO: Model, stud, 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter' pitchman
PRO: Only one name and it's stupid. Way too serious for a man with zero talent
CON: European
OUTLOOK: Only model in the tourney brings something different
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[8] Bea Arthur
WHO: Golden Girl, Maude, Mr. Lady
PRO: Tall, scary, mannish. Always wearing those loose fitting pant-suits
CON: Hard fight in the first round
OUTLOOK: Legit contender will give Hamill and Coleman a run for their money
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[9] Mark Hamill
WHO: Luke Skywalker
PRO: Blew enormous opportunity for superstardom
CON: Star Wars makes him genuinly loved by some, and a big nerdy reference
OUTLOOK: Tough first-round match with Bea. His run could end early
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[10] Marlon Brando
WHO: Former hearthrob, The Godfather, fattest freak in the world
PRO: Totally nutzoid, went from hottest man on the planet to being a planet
CON: Still Semi-respected. Occasionally makes anti-semitic/sexist/racist remarks
OUTLOOK: Solid reference with a strong, loyal following could mean a few wins
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[11] Tina Yothers
WHO: Failed sitcom star; youngest daughter on "Family Ties"
PRO: White-trashy for a child star. Rarity of reference gets laughs
CON: The kind of "rare" that everybody knows. Including unfunny people
OUTLOOK: Doesn't seem to have much chance, but shouldn't be counted out
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[12] Ted Nugent
WHO: Rock n' Roller; gun enthusiast
PRO: Totally crazy about rock. Totally crazy about guns
CON: Totally crazy in a scary way. Politics get in the way
OUTLOOK: Anti-Saget sentiment might let the Nuge sneak a win
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[13] Michael Bolton
WHO: 90's Soft Rocker; mullet hall-of-famer
PRO: Balding. Terrible musician. Was he trying to be seductive?
CON: Hated by some for real. Were ladies actually seduced?
OUTLOOK: Micheal Bolton might be going home early
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[14] Emilio Estevez
WHO: Failed Film star. Member of "Brat Pack"
PRO: Freejack. Married Paula Abdul. Why isn't it "Sheen?" Is he spanish?
CON: People just don't care about him. Maybe not even as a punchline
OUTLOOK: Too much love for Elvis could make Emilio the cinderella story
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[15] Tori Spelling
WHO: 90's Television star. Daughter of television producer
PRO: Talentless. 90210 role was Daddy's doing. Stupid-looking face/breasts
CON: Even a victory here would be more success than she deserves
OUTLOOK: Tito, man. If she was facing Marlon she might have a shot
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[16] Gallagher
WHO: Failed comedian
PRO: Wore a beret and smashed some watermelons. I mean, c'mon
CON: The Carrottop of the 80's
OUTLOOK: No chance
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