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[1] Mr. T
WHO: 80s television/film Star; B.A. Baracus, Clubber Lang
PRO: Funny costume, name, voice, catch phrases; true king of 80s kitsch
CON: 1-800 Collect Ads; Aware of own kitsch value
OUTLOOK: A total package of hilarity, perhaps the funniest in the tourney
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[2] Vanilla Ice
WHO: Failed white rapper; failed white movie star
PRO: All things considered, made a bigger ass of himself than anybody
CON: Involvement with Celebrity Boxing
OUTLOOK: Most hilarious musician in tournament could do some damage
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[3] Abe Vigoda
WHO: 80s television/film star; old, dying man
PRO: Funny name/face; descent into obscurity; close to death
CON: Less impact with younger generation
OUTLOOK: Former top seed may have some life left; shouldn't be dismissed
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[4] The Olsen Twins
WHO: 90s television/film babies; pubescent twins; kajilionaires
PRO: Huge child star disaster potential; hilarious lack of talent and personality
CON: Geniunely hated by some
OUTLOOK: Without a true child star scandal, could just be paper contender
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[5] Jesse "The Body" Ventura
WHO: Former wrestler and actor; current sgovernor of Minnesota
PRO: Desire to be taken seriously despite WWF, XFL and "The Running Man"
CON: Past his prime as a punchline
OUTLOOK: Only Senator with a name in quotes might make for a Sweet 16 run
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[6] Barry Manilow
WHO: "Copacabana" singer
PRO: Stupid face/name; cheesy, cheesy man
CON: Carries some weight as a legitamate annoyance
OUTLOOK: Tough 1st matchup with Thicke
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[7] Yahoo Serious
WHO: Star of one 80s movie: "Young Einstein"
PRO: Truly fucking ridiculous name; brutal attempt at movie career
CON: Too obscure?
OUTLOOK: Could ride his stupid, stupid name to a couple of wins
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[8] Ernest Borgnine
WHO: Now-obscure Oscar winner; ugly brute
PRO: Funny name and really, this guy is so very ugly
CON: Generation gap; does anyone remember how ugly he is?
OUTLOOK: Number one ugly joke, but tough opponent in prettyboy Reynolds
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[9] Burt Reynolds
WHO: Failed at being "charming," then at "tough," then again at "dramatic"
PRO: Toupee/moustache combo; takes himself way too seriously
CON: Norm MacDonald's impression may make him a tapped resource
OUTLOOK: Moving up the ranks as a total cornball
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[10] Yakov Smirnoff
WHO: Bad 80s comedian; thick Russian schtick
PRO: Dropped right off the planet; his stand-up gimmick was outrageous
CON: Could be the most obscure celeb in the tourney
OUTLOOK: If remembered, Smirnoff could win a couple matches in this country
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[11] Alan Thicke
WHO: 80s sitcom actor (Growing Pains); game show host
PRO: Perfect mix of failed comedian, kitschy sitcomer, cheesy gameshow host
CON: Works with his badness instead fighting his flaws like most funny failures
OUTLOOK: Could ride votes from younger generation to more than one upset
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[12] Tammy Faye Baker
WHO: Wife of televangelist, talk show host and deranged southern belle
PRO: Crazy make-up. Seriously, what is she doing?
CON: Acclaimed documentary of her life almost got her disqualified from tourney
OUTLOOK: Will get votes from anyone who saw their talkshow. But no one did
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[13] "Captain" Lou Albano
WHO: Wrestling manager; apparently also a "Captain"
PRO: Maybe the only original name-drop in the field; elastics all over his face
CON: Obscure among men. Unknown among ladies
OUTLOOK: The name alone is funny, but how far can the Captain ride it?
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[14] Pauly Shore
WHO: Failed comedian/film star/VJ and stoner
PRO: Bad movies, bad stand-up, thick schtick
CON: Overused. The joke that is Pauly Shore may be played out
OUTLOOK: The weiz may need to go away longer before he can come back
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[15] Ethel Merman
WHO: Dead actress
PRO: Funny name
CON: I'm not exactly sure who she is. Do you know?
OUTLOOK: Lack of actual identity is her funniest asset; will lead to her early exit
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[16] Carrot Top
WHO: Failed prop comic
PRO: No last name. Worst comedian of all time
CON: There is nothing funny about Carrot Top
OUTLOOK: I hope he dies. Soon. We all hope he dies.
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