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[1] David Hasselhoff
WHO: Talking Car Show. Running Booby Show. Champion of 80's and 90's kitsch
PRO: Alcohol abuse. Holding his stomach in. "Baywatch Nights"
CON: Too much of a good thing makes him kind of overwhelming
OUTLOOK: Hasselhoff could take home the championship
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[2] Tony Danza
WHO: Former boxer and sitcom star. "Who's the Boss," "Taxi"
PRO: Every character he plays is named "Tony." Each seems slightly retarded
CON: Attempt at dramatic career not a total failure
OUTLOOK: Strong and loyal following could carry him to the final four
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[3] Hulk Hogan
WHO: Fomer wrestler, action star then former action star, currently wrestler
PRO: "Hulkster" schtick is hilariously dated; bald/steriods/old man is strong combo
CON: Because he never truly went away, some find his act tired
OUTLOOK: If he drinks his milk and takes his vitamins, might have a decent run
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[4] The Coreys Feldman and Haim
WHO: Failed 80's child-star best friends
PRO: Drug/money/puberty/attractiveness problems. Michael Jackson friendship
CON: Past their prime as a punchlines
OUTLOOK: Quintessential 80s-fuck-up-buddies could cruise to the sweet 16
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[5] Nipsey Russell
WHO: Old sitcom star
PRO: #1 funny celeb name earns him time-tested laughs and solid 5 seed
CON: Generation gap. Who is he exactly?
OUTLOOK: Nipsey could have a long run or an early exit
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[6] Billy Dee Williams
WHO: Lando Calrissian. Seducer of ladies. Colt 45 spokesman
PRO: Non-typical breed of egotistic cheeseball. Moustache
CON: Do ladies actually find him cool, like, for real? Do guys?
OUTLOOK: Not popular enough to be overused; enough to be universaly funny
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[7] Buddy Hackett
WHO: Old film/television actor
PRO: Really funny voice, funny name, an all around solid reference
CON: Limited Range, can be used only for simple jokes
OUTLOOK: If he can get past arch-enemy Brimley, he'll give Danza a fight
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[8] Frank Stallone
WHO: Failed actor/singer. Brother of Sly Stallone
PRO: Macho-cockyness and successful brother make him even more pathetic
CON: Overly easy target. Past his prime as a punchline
OUTLOOK: Might not be much left in the tank for Frank. I rhymed back there
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[9] The Pope
WHO: Dude. The fucking Pope. Pick up a paper or something
PRO: Amazingly old. Funny hat. Funny car. Proven punchline for decades
CON: Important to some people, I suppose. He's foreign
OUTLOOK: The Pope may take down Stallone. No chance against Hasselhoff
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[10] Wilford Brimley
WHO: Old Actor. The "Cocoon" guy. The Quaker Oats guy
PRO: Oversized moustache. Tries to get me to eat Quaker Oats
CON: Limited depth/identity only allows for involvedment in simple jokes
OUTLOOK: First round battle with Hackett seems personal. Brimley may pull it off
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[11] Billy Zane
WHO: Overly dramtic actor. Bad Guy in "Titanic" and "Dead Calm"
PRO: Up-and-coming hilarious cheeseball actor. Might be Shatner's successor
CON: Before his time. Billy hasn't come into his own as a punchline yet
OUTLOOK: May be be a year or two away from being a truly strong contender
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[12] Zsa-Zsa Gabor
WHO: Old Actress
PRO: Acts like a billionaire. Slapped a cop. Crazy name/accent
CON: Out of the papers for a decade now. Annoyingly European
OUTLOOK: Zsa-Zsa battles a tough Nipsey in round one. Awesome sentence
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[13] David Lee Roth
WHO: Van Halen frontman. Total jackass
PRO: Leather chaps. Aged terribly. Crazy from loud rock and loose women
CON: If Roth hadn't been kicked out, Hagar wouldn't have ruined the band
OUTLOOK: Roth may see a resurgence, especially looking like a rotting witch
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[14] Sally Jesse Raphael
WHO: Former talk show host. Unattractive Lady
PRO: So unattractive. Wears big glasses. Funniest talk show host reference
CON: Reminds everyone of their mother. Primarily a punchline for weak-ass jokes
OUTLOOK: Has a chance if the Hulkamaniacs have all gone, which is possible
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[15] Bob Vila
WHO: TV handyman
PRO: Solid obscure reference for special jokes
CON: Lacks flexibility; too little to work with. Pretty much just a fucking handyman
OUTLOOK: Stick a nail in him. He's done
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[16] O.J. Simpson
WHO: Football star, murderer and golfer/sleuth
PRO: Celeb punchline king for years. And he's a murderer
CON: The most overplayed punchline ever. And he's a freakin' MURDERER
OUTLOOK: None
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